The first time I set foot in a gym I was greeted by a haze of chalk dust. Behind it, a chorus of grunts reminded me that this was a place with a language and culture that I didn’t understand.

It was a lone lifter, deadlifting 315. Nowadays that doesn’t seem like as much, but at the time I was impressed. And intimidated. I couldn’t imagine ever moving something that heavy—the weight may as well have been a mountain.

It didn’t help that, 20 minutes later, I narrowly avoided dropping a barbell on my face during my first-ever bench press. As heads turned in my direction, the redness in my cheeks had nothing to do with exercise.

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact gym session that sparked my addiction to fitness, but it certainly wasn’t that one. That day, I walked out of the gym demoralized. It would be a long time before I came back for day two. But I did come back eventually.

And kept coming back. There are a million studies that talk about the benefits of exercise, and I 100% believe them—being fit has been an unparalleled experience. I could never have anticipated the confidence—the comfort in your own skin—that comes from fitness.

Nothing on earth is quite the same as the feeling of walking out of the gym on a sunny spring day.

The journey from foolish to fitness is a long one, but a series of moments from my experience capture what success feels like. That chalk-inhaling, barbell-dropping scrawny kid is the first one.

Starting out

The second one came months later. Sweat dripped from my forehead and I could feel a bruise on my forearm from the hard gym floor. Ten seconds left in the side plank, but my shoulders were shot from the circuit workout I had found in some corner of the internet.

I collapsed and wobbled my way out of the gym. I tried to open the door and realized, disbelievingly, that my arms were too weak. I budged it open with my butt and went home to shower.

Another few months go by, but now I’m hooked. I don’t have a gym membership anymore, so I get a pull-up bar for the door. My numbers have gone up, and I’ve almost hit 20. I’ve discovered that I like rap music. Lose Yourself is playing during my first-ever handstand push-up. I kick out of it and jump for joy. I run into an old friend, who jokingly asks if I’m on steroids.

The middle of a New York winter. The world is frozen over, but the outdoor track has thawed just enough that it might be safe to run. I layer up and get moving.

Workout of the day is repeat 100 meter sprints, walking rest. It might be 15 degrees. There’s one other person, an older man walking laps. When I lie down after my last set, breathing hard, he approaches and says “keep working. It’s the only way to get there.” I never knew his name, but in that moment he said exactly what I needed to hear.

Making progress

I’m experimenting with farmer’s walks, my new favorite exercise. The gym dumbbells only go up to 100 lbs, but someone is using them so I chalk up and start walking with 90s. The strongest guy in the gym comes over and asks about what I’m doing. I can feel my chest swell up with pride as we spend a few minutes talking about grip strength.

Outside of the gym, I notice someone noticing me for the first time at a party. I don’t think it’s ever happened before, but it’s also possible my shyness prevented me from seeing it. With newfound confidence I only slightly feel, I ask her to dance. To my surprise and delight, she says yes.

It doesn’t take long for the confidence to go to my head, and somewhere along the line I pick up the nickname “Shirtless Ben.” I fail my first attempt at a 405 deadlift and my ego gets kept in check.

Being fit

It’s Saturday morning, around 10:30. The gym is almost empty—the only sound the clunk of a single elliptical being used upstairs. I step up to the bar, chalk dust settling on my clothes. I glance at the mirror briefly, then put in my headphones. Lose Yourself is playing. I crouch down, close my eyes, and grip the bar.

At first it barely moves and I think the lift is failed, but I dig deeper and it starts to rise. My eyes are pointed at the mirror, but I can’t see anything. My face must be turning red as the weight goes up. I lock it out. 455. PR.

One day, I see a guy in pretty good shape use the battling ropes at my new gym. I’d never used them before, so I go up to ask about what he’s doing. Apparently they get your arms darn tired. I think I see his eyes light up a little, and we spend a few minutes talking about grip strength.

I get on a plane to go home to New York and the flight attendant asks me for a workout. I meet with an old boss and he takes a second to recognize me. I go shopping for clothes—my butt and thighs have gotten big enough that I need to buy new jeans. Someone on the street asks if I’m a t-shirt model and, when I say no, says “do you want to be?”

I’m still sometimes quiet, but no longer shy. When I go to the beach, I’ve stopped worrying about how I look shirtless and just have fun in the sand. When I have ideas at work, I actually share them. When I put myself out there, people notice.

When Mondays feel eternal, I know a barbell is waiting for me.

That’s what fitness feels like.

This article originally appeared on the Huffington Post.

Exercise sucks. Steve Kamb makes it not suck.

Let’s face it – when you’re starting out, exercise does kinda suck! You get all sweaty and red and out of breath, and sometimes it even makes you feel awful the next day. On the surface, it isn’t really much fun. There’s a reason jokes like this exist:

Once you have some experience under your belt, the feeling of progress, of watching your numbers go up and your body change, is absolutely addicting. When soreness happens less regularly, you actually start to cherish the times it does happen.

But for people just starting, there are a million things to worry about. Exercise feels like just another project. It’s another activity you have to do, work that keeps you away from your friends, family, Netflix, books, games, instruments, or other pursuits.

Plus, it’s hard to know what kind of exercise you should even be doing. There are a million questions:

• Running or lifting?
• How far and how heavy?
• What exercises? How many sets and reps?
• How many times a week?

I’ve written about how to indulge while going to the gym, and how to overcome unhelpful advice to “Just Do It,” but today I want to highlight Steve Kamb of Nerd Fitness, because Steve does something remarkable.

He breaks down barriers to fitness and makes exercise truly fun.

Steve’s approach to reframing fitness can teach you how to make exercise fun, overcome inhibitions, and fly past your goals – even if you aren’t a nerd and don’t give a shit about RPGs.

Why Nerd Fitness Works

Nerd Fitness draws on elements of classic role playing games (RPGs) to help  “desk jockeys, nerds, and average Joes level up their lives.”

Nerd Fitness strives to reframe fitness. One of the most persistent findings in psychology is that our perceptions matter at least as much as actual events. By connecting exercise (something a lot of people think sucks) to RPGs (something a lot of people have fun with), Steve is able to guide his readers to fitness success.

Myself a nerdy kid, I spent hours grinding away in RPGs (starting with Pokemon) to level up my characters. And, as a relevant xkcd observes, it’s easier to motivate yourself to be fit when you connect exercise to real-life level-ups.

Steve makes that connection in two major ways that combine sound psychology, classic RPGs, and the fundamentals of exercise:

• Quests (aka, mini-actions)
• Classes (aka, goals)

Quests (aka, mini-actions)

When you first sign up for the Nerd Fitness newsletter, you get a simple email: “Here’s exactly how to take your first step…”

Already (before you have even opened the email!) barriers are being broken down. One of the biggest challenges in building a fitness habit is analysis paralysis – there are so many options that it’s hard to know what’s best. This 8-word subject lets you know that problem is about to be overcome.

Opening the email reveals a straightforward quest: Go for a 10-minute walk.

Later quests become progressively more challenging – including Nerd Fitness yoga poses, a Nerd Fitness bodyweight workout, and small changes to your diet. There are also much bigger quests, and Steve keeps a log of his “Epic Quest of Awesome.”

But the important part of these quests is that they are initially easy to follow. They tell you exactly what to do and don’t require too much time or effort. They recognize that – for most people – being bombarded with information is stressful and starting at any point is the first step to succeeding.

These quests cut through that noise, meeting you at your level and gradually progressing as you gain experience and level up your life.

Starting small and ending big is a basic principle of habit formation. Nerd Fitness uses it brilliantly.

Classes (aka, goals)

On your third day, after completing two quests, you are asked to choose a class.

Classes are a mainstay of RPGs, and usually dictate a lot of your strengths and playing style. Some classes are better at strength, others at endurance, others at speed, others at…you get the idea.

Classes are a genius way of asking someone to set goals. If you want to get as strong and big as possible, you probably fit into the Warrior class, but if yoga is more your thing you could consider being a Druid.

If this sounds exceptionally nerdy to you and isn’t your thing, that’s fine. But it’s still worth recognizing that having a direction and goal to guide your fitness efforts is incredibly valuable.

The class system is a way to trick people into setting goals. It again cuts through to noise to focus on what really matters, allowing readers (players?) to pick a path and stick to it.

That’s not all

Quests and classes are the biggest parts of RPGs, but there are other psychological elements to Nerd Fitness that help make exercise compelling.

Members of Nerd Fitness are members of “The Rebellion,” and are invited to participate on the free community forums – community and social support is a major factor that helps in building habits.

“The Rebellion” has rules too – guidelines for health and fitness that are much easier to internalize because they’re presented in the context of a fun group and community.

Finally, Nerd Fitness has killer case studies, small pieces of evidence that anyone can achieve fitness and level up their life.

These ideas may or may not resonate with you, but the takeaway message is an important one: Reframe fitness.

If fitness is an activity that you suffer through, you’re doomed to failure.

If fitness is an activity that enjoy and a quest that you work on, you will achieve it and become the hero of your story.

How do you feel about exercise?

If you say you’re struggling with a new habit, chances are high that someone will tell you to “reward yourself.” Unfortunately, that doesn’t work.

At least, not the way most people do it.

How many times have you told yourself “I get to watch more Netflix when I finish my workout” – and then skip the workout altogether to just watch Netflix?

What about “I’ll get myself that fun new game as a reward when I finish this project” – but then buy the game before the project is finished?

Or even “I can go out with friends once I’m done cleaning” – does the cleaning really always get done first?

If you’re like I used to be, those things happen a lot. They expose some of the problems with how most people use rewards – but you don’t have to be most people.

Fortunately, it’s easy to change.

Why Common Fitness Rewards Suck

Rewards are some of the most studied concepts in psychology. Thanks to operant conditioning, we know how to reward ourselves well. But most people just throw the word “reward” around without understanding the context.

Actually, the Wikipedia article on operant conditioning has a great description of what makes rewards effective. Here’s my short summary – fitness rewards are better when they are:

1. Things you want
2. Things that happen right away
3. Things that you can get only by doing the rewarded action
4. Big

And here’s the original, if you’re like me and into that kind of stuff:

Factors that alter the effectiveness of reinforcement and punishment[edit]

The effectiveness of reinforcement and punishment can be changed in various ways.

1. Satiation/Deprivation: The effectiveness of a positive or “appetitive” stimulus will be reduced if the individual has received enough of that stimulus to satisfy its appetite. The opposite effect will occur if the individual becomes deprived of that stimulus: the effectiveness of a consequence will then increase. If someone is not hungry, food will not be an effective reinforcer for behavior.[16]

2. Immediacy: An immediate consequence is more effective than a delayed consequence. If one gives a dog a treat for “sitting” right away, the dog will learn faster than if the treat is given later.[17]

3. Contingency: To be most effective, reinforcement should occur consistently after responses and not at other times. Learning may be slower if reinforcement is intermittent, that is, following only some instances of the same response, but responses reinforced intermittently are usually much slower to extinguish than are responses that have always been reinforced.[16]

4. Size: The size, or amount, of a stimulus often affects its potency as a reinforcer. Humans and animals engage in a sort of “cost-benefit” analysis. A tiny amount of food may not “be worth” an effortful lever press for a rat. A pile of quarters from a slot machine may keep a gambler pulling the lever longer than a single quarter.”

Keeping those things in mind, look at some of the most popular recommendations of rewards for working out. If you need a list to jog your thoughts, try this one from Spark People.

Take a moment to think about those. Do they have the 4 factors that make rewards successful? Which ones are they missing?

Go ahead. I’ll still be here when you get back.

The biggest problems that these fitness rewards have are with factors 2 and 3: they don’t happen immediately and you could get them whenever you want.

That’s why I used to buy my “reward” games before I had actually done anything. It’s also why I used to skip workouts to watch Netflix. If you can get the rewards whenever you want, it isn’t actually a reward for working out; it’s just a nice thing that happens.

Same goes for immediacy. Most of these rewards are things you get when you’ve reached milestones or goals.

But those are the times you barely need rewards!

If you’ve reached a goal, you probably already feel good about yourself. Really, we need encouragement at EVERY OTHER step in the process.

Plus, side note, #45 adopting a dog is hardly something you do on a whim. It takes a lot of work and commitment to care for an animal (although they are adorable, and have helped some people with their fitness).

Same goes for a dream vacation (number 50) – that’s a huge deal. Not the kind of thing that can be used as an everyday reward.

How to Really Use Fitness Rewards

Rewards are an important part of an effective plan and habit. But if common rewards for working out suck, what rewards can you use to actually motivate yourself?

Ever wonder why stereotypical gym bros post shirtless mirror selfies after their workouts? It might seem douchey or like they’re showing off (which, well, might also be true), but to them that’s their workout reward.

Good rewards happen immediately after your workout and are things that you can’t get anywhere else. Because big rewards are hard to do often, I think small rewards are actually more effective.

Plus, there’s some classic research on cognitive dissonance suggesting that big rewards would make you start thinking “I’m only working out for the reward” – and it’s really better if you come to enjoy working out.

A shirtless selfie serves this purpose perfectly: it’s done at the gym (so it’s immediate and related to gym-going), and it comes with immediate social confirmation (compliments).

But say you don’t want to post your mostly naked body on the internet. What other options are there?

Here are 6 of my fitness rewards. Remember, this is what worked to motivate me – your ideal rewards could be very different, but hopefully this list gets you thinking.

1. The Grape Juice Shot. This is probably the weirdest one on my list, but it’s also been one of the most effective. I hate stretching, but know how important it is. I love grape juice, but would guzzle the stuff if I drank it regularly. After every stretching session I do a shot of grape juice – and this is the only time I ever drink grape juice. Sound kind of dumb? Maybe it is, but I went from not stretching at all to stretching twice a day, every day.
2. The Calendar. This one might be the simplest on the list. Every time I work towards a goal, I put a big check mark on the calendar. It’s a small reward, but it’s so satisfying to see the check marks build up that it keeps me going.

   

3. The Gym Bag Candy. Consider keeping a small supply of nonperishable candy in your gym bag. After your workout, have a piece. The amount of candy is minuscule, and probably doesn’t affect your diet, but the dopamine hit to your brain is very real, and will help you look forward to the gym.
4. The Book Store. I love reading, and for a while there was a cool used book store near my gym. If I had time after my workouts, I would go in and browse the stacks. Even if I didn’t buy anything, looking through the new titles was fun and rewarding, and something I only did when I went to the gym (because that’s where the bookstore was!).
5. The Stop. Like I said, I love reading. As it happens, there’s a super cool coffee shop halfway between the gym and my apartment. I like to carry a book with me and stop off to read at the shop for a little while on the way home. Another reward I only get by actually going to the gym.
6. The Social Time. I’ve used this one in two different ways. First, in college, I used to go to hang out with friends in the athletic building after my workouts. I can’t do that anymore, but during my 20 minute walk home I like to call up some friends to keep in touch. I wouldn’t be doing anything else in those 20 minutes, and my other time is usually filled – this is when I usually talk to them, and I look forward to those talks.

Over to You

You know what makes a good reward. How can you use immediate, desirable, and related rewards to build your fitness habit?